An open letter to the AT&T store

Dear AT&T store,

I have a soft spot in my heart for you, since my dad worked for AT&T his entire career. However, I'm kind-of annoyed.

You see, my husband just had a birthday, and his gift to himself was an iphone. This means, to stay on a cheap family plan, I also needed a new AT&T phone. Adios 3 year old Verizon flip phone. Maybe you only made phone calls, but you worked just fine.

Salesman: Are you getting an iphone too?

Me: Noooooooo.

Salesman: What kind of phone do you want?

Me: The free-est phone you have

Salesman: Well, we have this phone here. It's $50, but you get a $50 refund in the mail.

Me: That sounds free enough for me!

Fastforward 2 hours later. Yes, I said TWO hours later. We were at the AT&T store all freaking night!

The salesman rings up my $50 phone. Then he said, "oh, this 2G something-or-other comes with it. It's $20."

Me: I don't want that. I'm not paying $20 for that.

Salesman: It comes with it.

Me: I DON'T WANT THAT. Why would I pay $20 for something I don't want?

Salesman: *looking at me with a lost puppy dog face* This comes with the phone.

Me: What part of "I don't want to purchase this item" don't you understand. What kind of business forces me to purchase an item?

In order to get the heck out of the store in under three hours, we ring up the lame 2G thingy.

We have to go back to the AT&T store to get our Disney discount anyways, so plan to duke this out with the manager.

Sure, it's only $20, but it's the principal of the thing. Why are you forcing me to buy something I don't want?!? That makes the customer happy!

Sincerely,

Amber

An open letter to Target customers

Dear Posner Park Target customers on 4/7/10:

I apologize for my smelliness. You see, I rolled out of bed at 8:30am, put on 100% clean clothes, but didn't shower. My plan was to go to Lowes, buy some clearance plants, and come home and planet them. Hence getting really dirty in the process.

You know those photos of people baking, and there is flower all over the kitchen and all over their body? Well, that's me when I'm gardening. I'm covered in dirt head to toe somehow.

Anyway, after a disappointing Lowes trip (no plants on clearance!!!) I thought, I think I'll run to Target.

Low and behold, they had tank tops for $2. Oh man ... did I feel guilty trying them on and not buying them. I just have to stink, and I'm trying on clothes.

So person trying on the $2 tanks after me ... I'm sorry!

Sincerely,

Amber

P.S. Hey Target! Why is your Easter candy only 30% off. Easter was 3 days ago. You're lame.

An open letter to Boston

Dear Boston,

Before I visited you I didn't like you. I'm not sure why. I think it's a sports thing. As a Rays fan, I normally find Red Sox fans annoying. And the Patriots ... I'm tired of you winning all the time. Lame reasoning, I know.

So I just got back from Boston and it was a really cool city! Parts of the city reminded me of New Orleans. It's a really old city. It was founded in the 1600's (I think). So there are parts of the city where the streets are really tiny, and the brick buildings are all smashed together to make room for expansion.

And Boston Bruins fans - you are the best! I wore my Tampa Bay Lightning hat to the Bruins game. I anticipated somebody would punch me in the face, spill something on me, or at least make a comment about how the Lightning suck. None of those things happened! Maybe it was because the Lightning whooped the Bruins, or maybe it's because Bruins fans are super cool.

Reason #1 why I could move to Boston: I love wearing toboggans (stocking hats)!

Reason #2: The public transportation system rules. I would never have to drive again.

Reason #3: I found a cool paper store. I could've stayed in there all day.

Reason #1 why I could not move to Boston: I look terrible in boots. Every single girl had boots on. My short legs just don't cut the boots scene.

So Boston, I apologize for judging the book by it's cover. You are pretty darn cool.

Sincerely,

Amber

An open letter to Dianner Navarro.

Dear Dianner Navarro,

I really owe you an apology.

During the '06 & '07 Tampa Bay Devil Rays (they were the D. Rays back then) season, I had a lot of mean things to say about you.

Maybe you were a great defensive catcher, but you really stunk at the plate.  I went to a lot of Rays game those 2 seasons, and I never saw you get a hit.  You were barely batting .200.  I could never understand why you were playing.  I yelled at you a lot, and since nobody was at the Rays games, you could probably hear me ... even though I was sitting in the outfield in the cheap seats.  You grounded out every at bat, and I always let you have it.

Well, this '08 season you've proved me wrong.  For the first 1/2 of the season you batted well above .300.  You made the All Star team, and you weren't the pitty All Star (b/c every team has to have an all star representative).  I was actually thrilled when you would come up to bat, because I knew we had a great chance of getting some runs.

So Dionner Navarro, or Navi as I like to call you, I sincerely apologize.

No hard feelings,

Amber